busy bees

Here are some instagrams, almost all of which are my husband's doing (thanks @wilbirdy) documenting some of what the kids are into at the moment, which includes:

 - Driving to the scrap yard a couple of suburbs away to see if the material handler is in action;
 - Painting (mainly in pink, it would seem);
 - Hosing rain water into the dirt pit where the grass won't grow and getting very very muddy;
 - Baking playdough pies and making playdough emergency vehicles;
 - Cutting paper into tiny little pieces and using it as garbage in their toy garbage trucks;
 - Drawing and drawing and drawing and drawing... I'm still in awe of this fantastic cross section of a mulching truck that Ollie drew a few days ago.  The detail!

And then, last weekend and for reasons unknown to me, Ollie and Max were very insistent that we should make bee suits for them to wear.

We obliged.

tweet tweet

It seems we are always planning a birthday party.  That's what you get when your family's birthdays are as spread out as ours are.  October, December, March, April and now July are all birthday months, and then of course there are the anniversaries that some of us forget.

Next up, it's Max, dear little Max with his fiery temper but sweetest of natures and his love of all things wild (he has asked for a toy duck and a toy birdie to join his toy lambie, toy froggie and toy bear).  He wants a birdie party, and while I'm not entirely sure how we'll make it so, it is a sweet theme and one we should be able to do plenty with.  We've already tried our hand at a bird cake - not a cake for birds (there's an idea), but a bird shaped frosted cake - anything in the name of practice when it comes to cake.  And this weekend just gone, Will put up with my bossier than usual instructions on how I wanted the invitation to look and knocked the basic idea out in his usual casual style, while I then agonised over fonts and text size and whether I should round the corners or not, all of which seemed pointless when the colour printing woes started.

Cute?  I think so.  It's not going to be long before cute doesn't cut it with my kids, and everything will need to be boy flavoured, so I'm making the most of the sweetness of something as simple as a birdie party, even if it does have more than just a hint of putting a bird on it.  And this invitation indulges my love of that cute little birdie, the robin red breast, possibly my favourite of all the feathers.

In other news, this is my last week of maternity leave.  Next Monday I'm back to work (the kind that pays).  It's mixed feelings all round.  I'm going back to a new building, desk, outlook, probably a new set of clients, there will be many many faces I don't recognise, problems to solve, an inordinate amount of juggling and my age old inability to switch off from work... but then there'll be people I love there too, colleagues I'd call friends, a renewed appreciation for weekends and the opportunity to drink coffee (real coffee) and enjoy the odd lunch with my husband who'll be just a few minutes stroll away.  But the overarching reason I have this nagging feeling of anxiety that's been swelling over the last month or so is knowing I'll be away from my children.  Lord knows I am not the picture perfect mother I want to be, but every day I'm away from them is another day gone by that I miss out on trying my best again.  On the days when they are at kindy, I long to be with them again, even though I need the break so badly sometimes.  I pick them up early, let them play in the mud, spoil them a little with ice-cream for dessert or a new Matchbox car, knowing that before long, I won't be able to pick them up before the end of the day, take them for a drive to the scrap yard (it makes them so happy to see the material handler!) because I'll be rushing around trying to do a million more things all at once.  But me going back to work, it's happening and I need to deal with it and dwell on the positive change it will bring to my life and theirs too.

But I digress, as this post is about the party that is coming and I'm not talking about the one that involves me eating a lot of Easter chocolate.  In a month, Max of the fuzzy hair and inexplicably beautiful eyes and twig legs (not unlike a bird's) will be three.  Three.  THREE.  Now I'm no scientist, but surely this means the end of the terrible twos.  Right?

a robot party

A weekend of celebrating Ollie's 4th birthday.  The party on Saturday was absolute chaos but good fun.  The kids all had a fantastic time in the robot boxes we made, the robot cake* went down an absolute storm and for our first attempt at a cake that was meant to be something, it was not too shabby. The robot party favours (made from mini noodle boxes ($6 for 24) with mini torches (which every parent has told me so far were a hit), balloons, mini horns, sultana boxes with googly eyes and chewy candy feet) got the kids pretty excited and the storm that hit at 5pm meant everyone left pretty quicksmart, which in turn meant the kids were fast asleep (after refusing their lunch time naps) by 7pm.

And then, after an hour of mad tidying, Will and I cracked open a nice bottle of pinot to celebrate that other little milestone... 4 years of broken sleep muddling through parenthood.

Happy birthday kiddo.  You have no idea how much we adore you.

*Note to self re cake:  We made the vanilla cake I've written about before, sans sprinkles and with about 20% less sugar.  1.5 x the quantities of this recipe worked just fine for the 12" x 8" brownie pan but it took about 50 mins to cook and I had to cover it with foil to stop it browning too much.  The frosting quantity was just about right too for a decent crumb coat and frost.  The grey was achieved using a few pin pricks of AmeriColor Super Black and a touch of blue and it was decorated with chocolate wafer squares, coconut, smarties and oreo cookie wheels.  Those are Chupa Chups antennae.  There wasn't a scrap of cake leftover, which is a shame because it was delicious.

four balloons

We were a little hasty with this year's invitation to Ollie's birthday party and I am now finding myself thinking of other ways we could have done it.  But, I love this Wall•E inspired card just the same, and yet again it's all thanks to the husband in my life  (it's no surprise that yet another year has gone by and my lllustrator skills are still non-existent).  Later this month, our Ollie will be four years old.  It'll be four years since we started this wild ride that is parenthood.  It'll be four years since we had no idea he'd be into robots, that he'd be such a chatterbox and that he'd be so good at Lego.  Not to mention his puzzle prowess and strange obsession with crushing things and smashing things up.

I'm not entirely sure what the robot themed party is going to be like, and I'm a little concerned that my usual formula of the outdoors and food isn't going to be enough to entertain the children and parents that will be in our tiny garden, but not so worried that I'm stressing about it.  Well, not just yet anyway.

move over salvador

Lately, I haven't felt like saying or doing much.  The lack of sleep and resultant difficulty finding the energy to connect with the boys (husband included) has meant I feel a little withdrawn and I'm back at that place where I'm doubting my ability to do this parenting thing.  It's that same place fraught with uncertainty over the future, the homesickness and the feeling that I am bearing the weight of the world on my shoulders.  I know I'm not, it just feels that way.

Still.  I managed to sit down and do some silly collaging with Ollie and Max the other day, and it was something we all enjoyed.  Max especially loved getting sticky and messy, and it was so sweet to connect with him in the fug that has been concentrating on bonding with Hugo.  The boys' creations now take pride of place in the frame of this Dali print that let's face it, pales in comparison to what they made.

Our house continues to become their house, with their belongings taking over what was once a grown up space, their noise permeating every inch of this little wooden home we live in and their artwork taking centre stage over the paintings and prints that used to adorn our walls.  Our house.  Really, it's their house and we are but lucky to live in it.

a stripey second birthday invitation

Max will be TWO at the end of March, which means party time for the little guy I love so much.  Having shied away from theming the boys' birthday parties so far, it seemed like a cool idea to give this next celebration a theme, but something simple that would be easy enough to execute and for everyone to participate in.

It was the usual deal, an idea based on a birthday card Ollie got for his last birthday scribbled onto some scrap paper, which was then executed into a great little card by the talented man in my life, while I agonised over fonts and colours (both of which I'm really happy with).  The cards were printed onto this awesome paper (it truly is fantastic, if a little expensive) with our new printer (the old one died a pretty spectacular death).  Here it is, the invitation to Max's Stripey Second Birthday Party.  I love it.

And so, we have stripey straws, stripey cupcake wrappers, an idea for a stripey cake and stripey themed food.  We've asked everyone to wear their stripiest clothes and I'm hoping to find time to do some striped paper bunting or similar to decorate our house on the day.

I'm sure we have many themed parties in our future, Lego, Star Wars, Hallowe'en, Pirates that Drive Garbage Trucks etc... but for now, keeping it simple is good practice for the fun times ahead.

the year in review

I went back to work after giving birth to my littlest boy and to my surprise, loved it, I joined a gym and kept it up, we had visitors from England, we broke a fridge, we bought a new camera and took a million photographs, we edited our photos and backed them up responsibly, we realised we need a holiday but didn't have the time to take one, we escaped the floods but friends weren't so lucky, I baked a cheesecake and made a pavlova, both for the first time, we lost a baby and cried and cried, we learned our son is crazy for puzzles and our other son is a cheeky little devil with a naughty streak that is adorable, we watched movies, so many movies, I watched my husband become an actual architect, I used my KitchenAid way more than I thought I would, I Skyped my parents every week, sometimes twice, I missed them terribly, we didn't always try a new recipe every week but we always ate good food, I loved watching the royal wedding, missed England and her countryside, visited the GoMA at least twice, we still haven't managed to get out to dinner but we had an awesome party for Will's birthday, we decorated our garden with 800 fairy lights, we said goodbye to Sue, but hello to Emma and Clasein, I had the most awesome birthday week EVER and ate at my favourite restaurant with my favourite person, we visited a zoo, our house was a zoo, I discovered patience, then lost it again, I became a little more like my mum, we ate McDonalds for the first time in years and regretted it, I got to know my sister as my friend and lamented the years we spent apart but realised it's better late than never, our boys' birthday parties were awesome and it didn't rain, we didn't send Christmas cards this year, but I've been good at keeping in touch with those I love, we became really good at doing the kids' packed lunches in about 10 minutes, and kept on top of keeping house, I worried about how I'm doing at work but found out they think I'm ok, I playdoughed, painted, tidied, read to my sons, our boys started sharing a room together, we only broke a few baubles this year, I wished I had read more books and had more haircuts, we had Christmas at our house with my friend Kate, I learned the names of lots of vehicles, we repaired our lawn and now our garden looks fabulous, I got cross with my boys more often than I would have liked but always ended the day with kiss and a cuddle, I started and ended the year very tired.  But so happy.

Come on 2012.   I know you are going to be great.

another invitation

Here it is, an invitation to Ollie's third birthday party.  (That's right, in less than two weeks he'll be three.)  Yet again, the invitation has been weeks in the making.  Weeks of procrastinating (not because we've been sitting around doing nothing, mind), then all the indecision over whether to do this or that, then finally deciding on a design and then agonising over colours, fonts, whether the trucks should be solid colour or whether we should use scans of fabric swatches.

In the end, I'm really happy with the simplicity of the final design:  Three (his age), trucks (his favourite thing) in red, yellow and green (he loves traffic lights too).  We also went for both solid colour and fabric swatches, and it will be pot luck as to who gets which one.  I'll email a .jpeg to a few people, but most will get a little card in the mail, because as much as I want to be green, I can't resist the sweetness of sending little invitations addressed to the little people in my son's life.  Little people that he's known since the day he was born.



I have been thinking for a while now that it might be nice to frame the little invitations that we've made for the boys' birthdays, maybe in a couple of years' time when they have a few behind them.  This lovely lady beat me to it, but her post reminded me that I want to do it, and it's the reason I've kept copies of the sweet little cards that both Will and I have laboured over.  The post also reminded me that I used the exact same design for Ollie's first birthday that she used for her daughter's first and it was her quilt that inspired me to make one just like it for Ollie and then another similar one for Max (finished, no less, a post on that soon).  Since then though, I've become less of an ideas thief and a bit more original with my creative efforts, although I still take inspiration from the many blogs I read and I still love Sharilyn's blog.

I don't know what my little boys will think of these invitations and their quilts and the parties and the other little things we make and do for them.  I wonder whether they will even notice that their mum and dad tried so hard to make their birthdays a little more special and personal, but I hope they will.  Not because I want thanks or recognition for any of it, but because I want them to know they are my everything, I would do anything for them, and by putting my all into their lives, it fulfils me.  Maybe they will be inspired to do the same for their kids because while it seems like hard work, there's nothing like feeling the way you do when you do your best.

a house in a box

Ever since I saw this post, I knew I wanted to do the same for Ollie and Max.  Ollie loves the idea of a cubby house and he loves to climb in and out of boxes, providing a little commentary as he goes.  So, when we ordered a new fridge a few months ago, we asked the delivery men to leave the box behind.  Unfortunately it meant leaving all the packaging and polystyrene behind too, and I've only just finished disposing of it... but last weekend, we managed to do what I had been looking forward to doing for ages... building a little house for the boys.





Will was the architect (of course), and I helped with the building and we even managed to fashion a little garage out of another box that came with the fridge box with proper garage doors (although that was after I took these photos).  The kids, they love it.  They chase each other around it, they sit and read in it, they open and close the door, run in and out of it, poke toys through the windows...  a hit.  I love that Ollie loves to sit in it with his beloved Tigger and Lambie, sun streaming in through the windows.  It's less nice but also very sweet that Max loves to run around it, squealing.  It's less than a week old but already looking worn, but I'm going to milk this one for all it's worth.  I'd love to make little curtains, window boxes and make a little doorbell, but it won't happen before it collapses.  In the mean time though, I'm going to let Ollie paint it this weekend if the weather's good.  Maybe even if the weather's not.

who'd have thought...

...that after a huge week at work, I would have had a weekend like this.  Nothing out of the ordinary, but it was as productive as my weekends have ever been and a reminder that the weekends when we have nothing planned but to be with each other are the best.  Will took the boys swimming on Saturday morning (usually we both go), so I stayed at home, blitzed the house and laundry which somehow set the scene for the rest of the weekend, during which the housework stayed done, and I had a cooking frenzy.

On Sunday morning, straight after breakfast, I made green bean and potato curry, muttar paneer and prepped the evening's roast chicken before get this - squaring Max's quilt, then making the binding AND sewing it onto the back of the quilt, all in one day. And Ollie was a joy to be around all weekend, totally interested in what I was doing, and happy to help.  Now I just have to blind stitch the binding on, design a little label for the quilt and we're almost at the stage when I can start the next one.

Sometimes I amaze myself. (Although at this point I should admit that this blog post is almost two weeks old, and I have only just got round to uploading it.  Better later than never.)

do-a-dot digression

I admit to splurging a bit and buying those do-a-dot markers that you see around (for the boys, of course).  I've had my eye on them for a while now, knowing the kids would love them and knowing they would make a change from the crayons he loves so much.  Ollie is always asking to 'do some drawing' or 'want to play with the crayons' but lately I think he's been a little bored by it and a bit frustrated by the marker pens fading away.  So I promised him we would go to the craft store and buy some more, which is where I got lured by the do-a-dots.  We came away with new felt pens, new chubby colouring pencils, the do-a-dot markers, and in a momentary lapse of judgment, a colouring in book devoted to trucks.  He loves his trucks, does Ollie, and I am finding I am trying to go out of my way to encourage an interest in something else, anything else, and I have never liked the idea of colouring in books, preferring instead to let Ollie's own creativity take the lead, even if that means scribbling like a maniac before tearing up the paper and sticking masking tape everywhere.

But he loves that book.  I wish he didn't love it as much as he does, but yesterday and then again this morning, he coloured in (coloured over) the pictures of log-loaders, excavators, monster trucks and bulldozers for over an hour until I actually had to make him put the pens away to have his dinner.  In fact this evening, we had to take it to dinner with us and in just 24 hours he is suddenly very good at colouring within the lines even though I have very deliberately not told him about that (there are enough rules in that kid's life).

Max, on the other hand, he loves all things pen.  He loves to chew the do-a-dot caps and then stack them up and walk around the house with one in each hand and wave them around in Lola's face (anything but actually do dots with them).  The mighty pen is our toy of choice when I need him to sit still for a nappy change, when I need something in the high chair to distract him or when I'm trying to get him dressed at his most wriggly time of the day, after his bath.  Of course he's now at the age when there's also a chance that he will fling the pen in disgust and throw a tantrum rather than be captivated with it like he used to be as a baby... that kid's discovering toddlerdom, and I have to say, it's hilarious second time round.  He's nowhere near as intense as Ollie was at that age (and I remember how it used to get me down) and he'd definitely always been a more mellow kid (the second always seems to be?) but he's discovering just how much he can get away with.  The back arching, screaming objections to not being allowed to chew a crayon don't last that long - with Ollie it seemed sometimes that it would never end.  Actually thinking about it now, Ollie seemed so much older than Max at this age, all knowing somehow and I'm certain that fuelled his abnormal levels of frustration.  He amazes me with his incredible memory, his affinity for puzzles and his ability to apply what he knows in order to learn the next thing and I suppose I've always seen that in him.

But Max, you know, he's so different to Ollie.  He's into belly buttons, birdies, pouring water out of the bath and being very deliberately cheeky.  He's less the analyst, more the kid that sees the moment, loves to point at the birdie, the doggy, he loves to clap and wave and communicate like babies do. Ollie's not so much deliberately cheeky as he is just a bit of a pain in the arse sometimes, but he has such a kind nature, often masked by his insistence on doing everything his way or not at all.  Such a bossy little boy.

Anyway, I don't mean to compare and I shouldn't, but it's hard not to.  You are blessed with one happy little healthy child that reminds you of yourself and you think the next one will be the same, knowing full well you were completely different from your siblings and don't know many that are alike.  Then the second comes along and you're blown away by how different he is, but not unexpected, because you see his father in him every day, every time he smiles, every time he tootles around the house, just taking things in his stride and when he bowls everyone over with his good looks and charm.  And then you wonder whether you should ever be so blessed again, because it's hard to imagine that you could be so lucky but amazing to think there's another soul, different again, that might one day be a part of your family.

And so, after you've cleared away the doodles and colouring-in books, found the caps for all the pens and tidied them away, you check on those little boys as they are sleeping, their little chests moving with that sleepy breathing that only children can do with such peace and you think about the mischief they will get up to as they grow older, the books they will read by flashlight when I think they've gone to sleep, the men they will become, the challenges they will face, the people they will love, the good that they will do in their lives and the the tantrums of the day are all but forgotten.

the story of the mugs

So, remember the mugs?  They didn't turn out exactly how we thought they would.  We were hoping for delicate, fresh, glassy green, but the first fire turned out dark, dark green mugs - still very lovely but definitely a surprise.  Lavinia emailed me straight away and sent these photos - I think she was as surprised as anyone, and while I liked the dark green, I was gutted they didn't turn out how I thought they would.  So Lavinia made an executive decision to reglaze the mugs, and they turned out blue!  Beautiful... except that one of the mugs got hit by a piece of shrapnel from another item in the kiln, leaving a damn near perfect bullet hole.  Interesting, but not what you want in a mug.

So, one of our customised mugs didn't make it.  I'm gutted we don't have two matching mugs, but Lavinia sent two, unstamped spares and the one mug that survived, so I'm happy for now.  They arrived today and I waited for Will to get home from work before opening the parcel and drinking our first cups of tea.  They are beautiful.

I've asked Lavinia (who should be credited for all the photographs in this post) to let me know when her kiln is set up and ready for action again (it's being moved and won't be available for a few months at best).  I haven't heard from her yet, but if she hasn't been scared away from doing custom orders, I'm going to hope that she will give it another shot.  Excuse the pun.

It has just occurred to me, that this might be some kind of omen, but I only see it as a positive.  We actually now have three beautiful mugs, rather than two, and a story to tell, and one rather gorgeous stamped mug which we will keep safe rather than use.  Yes, I would have loved two matching mugs, but you know, we are so different, Will and I, it kind of works better this way and I guess the unpredictability of the kiln adds a nice vibe too.  There will be more anniversaries and I expect one or more of these mugs might be lost or broken over the many years to come.  And then I'll just email Lavinia again in the hope that she'll be able to put her very lovely talent to use for us again.  In the mean time, we will drink tea.  Lots of it.

personalised

We didn't really do gifts for our anniversary this year.  I thought about buying Will an iPad, but much as he would love one, we really can't afford it and we have enough screens to stare and point at in this house.  We talked about buying a new camera body as a gift for each other and for us both; we have a Nikon D70 which is fine and all but it's 7 years old and temperamental and since we take so many photographs and use it every day (and sometimes all day), it might be time to upgrade.  But again, we might just have to wait until we've saved a little more in the coffers... maybe we can do it to mark what I think is our real anniversary, the one that marks the day we first said more than a shy hello to each other, the one that marks our 10 years of togetherness later this year.

That said, I didn't want this milestone to go unmarked.  Five years of marriage.  It sounds important and I do think that anniversaries allow you to reset somewhat, take a step back to consider your life and what makes you happy (and sad, I suppose) and pull yourself out of the day-in-and-outedness that I'm prone to complaining about here, so it's right that they should be celebrated, in whatever little way.  We've had some trying times in these past two years in particular, and it's not always been easy, and God knows it's harder for Will than I think it is for me.  We've been challenged by our ever evolving relationship as we became parents and questioned what we really want out of this life now that we have two boys to consider first and foremost and yet still want to fulfil aspirations for ourselves and our family.  The shift of going from doing what we wanted whenever we wanted to having to put our little boys and responsibilities as parents first has taken its toll at times, and there were moments when it felt that we barely knew each other any more.  So it was important to me that we should mark our five years of togetherness as man and wife - it's been the biggest five years of my life so far.

So how did we mark our anniversary? We had a quiet evening, didn't go out for a lavish dinner or anything like that, but after the children were safely tucked away in their little beds we did drink some good wine (I see no point in drinking any other kind).

As for a gift, I wanted to give something meaningful but useful, something for us to share and something for us as individuals too...  For a while now, whether it's been at breakfast when one cup of coffee just won't cut it, or after dinner, when we've wanted that mug of hot chocolate to never end, or a Sunday afternoon when we've needed more tea than is good for us, every time we put the kettle on, one of us will complain that our mugs just aren't plentiful enough.  So, with our affinity for tea, and the ritual that we share every night after dinner, I decided the best thing for us was to order two customised, hand crafted mugs, stamped with the date and location of our wedding, made by this lovely person, who is firing them as I write this.  She's been kind enough to send photos of their progress along the way and already, they are beautiful.  I have a good idea of what they will look like when they are glazed but I'll save those images for another post.  Suffice to say, I can't wait to receive the finished product and drink our inaugural cup of tea in them, whilst sante-ing to the next five, ten, fifteen... fifty years of marriage.

And as for resetting, taking that step back?  Well, it's a good view from back here.  As these days go by and we continue to discover talents and shortcomings that we didn't know the other had, and we've no idea what tomorrow will bring, I feel secure in the knowledge that I chose the right man to do it all with. It might be retrospective to celebrate the five years just gone, but there is a feeling that the best is yet to come.  We're a heck of a way away from any sense of calm, that dream holiday to New York, to owning the cottage in North Cornwall or the winter chalet in the French Alps, but we have each other, our children and our aspirations.  And soon, mugs.  Big ones too.

just me and ollie

I love, love, love to watch Ollie and Max paint.  It's maximum cuteness watching Max copy his big brother and hearing Ollie ask for the green paint first - every time.  That said, I can't wait until Max is less inclined to paint the inside of his mouth.  I know he's just exploring and I'm not expecting him to even paint on paper (although he gives it a good shot), but I draw the line at eating paint.  At the moment, whenever I get the paints out (or the playdough, crayons, chalk, pens etc) I have to watch Max constantly at the expense of interaction with Ollie.

So, when Max was asleep this afternoon and Ollie said 'want to do some painting', we did just that.  We made colours (orange and pink), did splodging (I had to say 'splodge' every time he splodged), we did finger painting (with blue and green, of course), and then we had the most fun of all, playing with a basin of warm, soapy water.

It was really enjoyable one-on-one interaction with Ollie that is rare these days.  It's great to do stuff with both boys and they are good kids that truly love each other's company, but when it's just me and Ollie (or me and Max), it's a different kind of communication.  There's no jealousy, arguing, throwing around of toys, or even noise. It's mostly quiet, interactive, gentle play and that thankfully reminds me that perhaps I do have the patience for this whole parenting thing... I just need to realise it more often.

secret plans and clever tricks

Thanks to his current obsession with The Enormous Crocodile, Ollie keeps telling me, he has 'secret plans and clever tricks'.  I'm sure he does.  In the mean time, Max's quilt is coming together, slowly.  After such a long time deliberating over colours, I rather like how it's looking.  Will particularly likes the colours, and if you knew him, you would know that that is high praise indeed.