March 31, 2013

three years

Max, three years around this sun, three years of those eyelashes, of being companion to your big brother, of being the laughing, joyous little soul in our lives, three years of fuzzy haired wonder, thank yoop!  Just when I think I know you, you come out with something I couldn't have predicted ('birdie party mum!') and just when I think I know you again, you remind me, you're not someone's brother, you're Max, you're you, a special, unique being, only more special because you get to be a big brother and a little brother, you get to learn and lead but most importantly you get to be Max.

Happy birthday darling, I adore you, every ticklish bit of you.

March 28, 2013


When we downloaded our last batch of 'real' photos, taken with our Nikon SLR, I realised how little we use it and how much our phones have become the main tool for capturing life's little moments.  The downloads went back months, and almost all of them are of Hugo.  How he's changed in the last couple of months.  No longer a baby, but a bouncing, chirpy, cuddly little pie.  He's boisterous, likes a good tickle and a chuck around, he likes twatting things with big sticks, kicking and splashing in the bath tub and chewing on pretty much anything.  He's crawling - all that started at 8 months.  Not so much crawling as slapping the floor with his hands and pulling himself around, commando style.  He's got speed as well as style.  He's pulling himself up to standing.  Sigh.  He also likes to keep me on my toes, some nights sleeping soundly for 12 hours straight, other nights waking twice or more.  It's ok.  He's been a bit under the weather lately and we all know what it feels like trying to rest when you have a rotten cold.  Not only that, but actually, I love to let him breastfeed quietly, letting me stroke his soft, fluffy hair, massage his chunky little feet, kiss his hands... it's such a contrast to his energetic, squawky self of the day time that's suddenly become so aware of exactly what he wants.

Ollie's writing skills are suddenly so impressive.  I spelled out the word 'security' (at his request) last night, and he managed almost every letter unaided (even if some of them were upside down and back to front), but the best thing about it was the awesome little house he'd drawn just next to his new word.  He loves to sit with his pens, paper and scissors, drawing little pictures, cutting them out, drawing more, cutting more, writing our names on his creations and presenting them to us with great pride.  We're in the process of working out where he'll go to school next year and realising what a big decision it is and how life is about to change for him, and for us.  In the mean time, he drew the most awesome carrot yesterday.

Max will be three this weekend.  Which of course means the 'terrible twos' will officially end.  No, that's not fair, it's not terrible.  He's a loving boy with a vivid imagination.  He likes to pretend he's a frog, a robot, a machine, a garbage truck and his latest alter ego is 'Night Man'... sure he has a fiery (Arian?) temper and knows how best to throw a tantrum, but apart from when I'm dealing with it, it's fine.  He's learning to manage his emotions and I get that putting sunscreen on to go kindy is totally not what he wants to do when the alternative is playing Lego City.  He's going through the same phase Ollie went through, scowling at the camera and preferring to run around maniacally rather than posing for a photo.  It's ok. He's magic with his little brother Hugo.  I can't wait to spoil him this weekend.  I want to see his kind, sweet and handsome face when he opens his presents, when he blows his candles out, when he eats the chocolate cake I'm planning to make for him.

I'm going to take lots of photos, too.  Photographs of chocolate eggs being eaten, of party preparations, of cake being smooshed and gifts being opened.  I will try to use our Nikon, but my first choice will surely be my iPhone.  I've found that taking photos with my iPhone is so much fun. Little images that would look and feel silly being taken with a giant SLR enable a creative view of the world, one in which I see colours, expressions, light in a way I can't with the SLR.  It's a good little game to play, looking for those snippets, seeing things in a hazy, filtered but (paradoxically) eye-opening way.  But every now and then I get fed up with my phone the constant checking of work emails, personal emails, facebook, instagram, and so I have no-phone days, when I choose not to look at that screen when there are real life children to look at and proper conversations to have.  Of course I never miss taking photos, I could do it all day, I never want to forget a single moment of life with these boys of mine, but those phoneless days, they are a reminder that always looking for a photo maybe makes me miss out on being in the moment instead.  And so, they are good days.  They are all good days.

March 3, 2013

going forward

Despite the flurry of the last few posts, it's been difficult to find the enthusiasm to keep the blog going lately.  The last couple of months in particular have been somewhat of an emotional roller coaster, my ever lingering anxiety elevated by amongst other things, changes in breastfeeding patterns, preparing for my return to work and coming to terms with Hugo being looked after by the nursery staff at kindy.  This last one is particularly tough, our happy little Hugo has never had a moment away from me or his pa, so it's been with considerable heartache that I've been spending as much time as possible with him in the nursery while his brothers play in the kindy, getting to know the nursery staff and the way things work there so that I could ease him (and me) into the idea of being looked after by someone new.

Such emotional upheavals from every direction seem to be taking their toll somewhat and to say that I am oft finding it difficult to cope would be an understatement.  It's been easy to write the odd post about this and that, the food, the funny things the kids say, but it feels my posts lack something of what I really think and feel, and that's not very easy for me to do right now.  So I think now, it's time to pare back a little.  While I still love this blog, the little history it already seems to have created and its ability to hold me accountable to get out there and enjoy life, I need to be realistic about how much I want to post and how often.  Some days I get anxious that even with a tiny number of readers, there's stuff here that feels so private.  Other days I can't help but embrace the internet and let it all hang out.  Mostly though, I do want to keep it going, marking little milestones and collecting images and feelings that I am trying to etch into my mind forever but over the next little while, while I deal with somewhat of a reset of my head and heart, posts will probably be few and far between, but still important enough that when my boys do read this blog in years to come, they'll understand and appreciate why I chose to document our lives in this way and will get to read more of what comes from my heart.  And like me, I hope they'll be grateful for it, too.

March 2, 2013

busy bees

Here are some instagrams, almost all of which are my husband's doing (thanks @wilbirdy) documenting some of what the kids are into at the moment, which includes:

 - Driving to the scrap yard a couple of suburbs away to see if the material handler is in action;
 - Painting (mainly in pink, it would seem);
 - Hosing rain water into the dirt pit where the grass won't grow and getting very very muddy;
 - Baking playdough pies and making playdough emergency vehicles;
 - Cutting paper into tiny little pieces and using it as garbage in their toy garbage trucks;
 - Drawing and drawing and drawing and drawing... I'm still in awe of this fantastic cross section of a mulching truck that Ollie drew a few days ago.  The detail!

And then, last weekend and for reasons unknown to me, Ollie and Max were very insistent that we should make bee suits for them to wear.

We obliged.
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