overheard

Ollie:  I'm lovely, mum, because I keep making you things

Ollie: I'm giving myself a headache, everything in my brain is all jumbled up, my thinking wires have snapped!

Ollie:  Mum, in my head there are LOTS of BIG love hearts, all for you.

Ollie: (after I'd been cross with him) Dad, I'm so sad, all the love hearts in my head for mum are disappearing.

Me:  How many do you need?
Ollie:  Four
Me:  How many do you have?
Ollie: Three
Me:  So, how many more do you need?
Ollie: One... I'm like a calculator!

Max:  Ollie's going to consplode our house! (he meant 'explode')

Max: (finishing off his first ever packet of Pez candies) I've eaten all my pheasants!

Max:  I'm Buzz Limeyear!

Max:  I actually like bumatoes now! (he means tomatoes) (I hope)

overheard

Ollie: (to Max) Now Max.  You get what you get and you don't get upset about it.

Me:  Ollie, don't be so rude!
Ollie:  But mum, you're rude sometimes too.
(it's true)

Me: (very frustrated) Oh Max, good LORD!
Max:  Mummy, no don't say good lord... say BAD lord!

Ollie:  (after he was back from looking at the neighbourhood Christmas lights with his dad) Mum, I had a lovely time light spotting around the neighbourhood
Me:  That's great, I wish I could have gone with you.
Ollie:  When we were walking around, quite a strange feeling came over me.
Me:  Really?  What sort of feeling?
Ollie:  (speaking very slowly and quietly) It happened when I saw a teeny tiny creature crawl out of a hole and land in the middle of the pavement!

Ollie: (after we gave him a peanut m&m) Can I have one of those little round things?  A P&M?

Ollie:  (as I was bringing Hugo out of his room after nap time) Mum!  Look who it is!
Me: It's Hugo!  Isn't he lovely?
Ollie: Yes
Me:  Do you love him more than anything in the world?
Ollie: er.... Yes
Me:  Really?  More than garbage trucks?
Ollie:  (thinking for a moment) I love them both.  I love garbage trucks AND babies.

Ollie:  It's the day before Christmas Day
Me: Yes, what does that mean?
Ollie:  We have to get a lot of things ready, like drinks and milk and carrots for Santa
Me:  What do you think Santa would like to drink?
Ollie:  Something like.... maybe something that only adults drink.

Ollie: (unwrapping his Christmas present and hopping from foot to foot) It's a side loading garbage truck! It's a side loading garbage truck! It's a side loading garbage truck! It's a side loading garbage truck! It's a side loading garbage truck! It's a side loading garbage truck!

overheard

Me: His eyes are?
Max: Orange!
Me: His tongue is?
Max: Black!
Me: He has purple prickles all over his?
Max: Back!
Me: Where are you meeting him?  Here by this lake, and his favourite food is?
Max: ... Ice cream!

Ollie: There's a spider outside and he's trying to get into our house!  Let's kill it!
Me:  No!  Why would we do that?  He's just minding his own business, building his web.
Ollie:  Actually mum, we call it a webSITE.

Me: Ollie, it looks as though you need to do a wee.  Do you?
Ollie: No
Me: You are squirming a lot. Are you sure you don't need to go?
Ollie:  I don't need to go to the toilet
Me:  Ollie, are your underpants wet or dry?
Ollie: (pauses...) Mum.  I am going to the toilet and I am NOT going to answer that question.

Ollie:  I don't know where I've put it, mum.

Me:  Me neither.

Ollie:  It must be with all my other curiosities.

Ollie: (to Max, who was this close to being put in the naughty corner) Max, do you want to go to jail?  Or something similar?

Me:  Do you know Ollie's full name is Oliver James?

Max: (who's favourite engine is James) No

Me:  And your full name is Max Henry

Max: NO!

Me:  Well, what's your name?

Max: James

Me:  It's Max Henry

Max: No! James!

(a small tantrum ensued)

Ollie:  You know mum, your mouth is going to have to get REALLY BIG for the baby to come out of it.

(Isn't it just.)

overheard

O: (blinking really fast) Mum, would you look at my eyes!  They're going mental with all the opening and closing!  Mum, did you hear me, I said, they're going MENTAL!

O: (playing with his Lego figures) You! You're a bad criminal.  You did a poo in your pants!  I'm going to drag you to jail.  Oh, you really impressed me, you did a poo on the toilet.  WELL DONE!

Me:  Ollie, it's almost time for a sleep

O:  But I don't want to go to sleep, I want to keep playing

Me:  Well alright, you can play for another couple of minutes, but then we'll read a story and go to bed

O:  But I want to play for THIS MANY minutes, for LOTS of minutes

Me: OK.  How many minutes do you want to play for?

O: (pauses...) Four

O:  I want to hug the baby
Me:  OK
O:  (hugging my growing belly and patting it gently)  The baby has to grow a lot before we can meet him.  (...pause...) Hello baby, what are you doing? and then the baby says "I'm moving around... I'm moving towards mama's mouth because I have to pop out one day" (!!)

O: (to Max, as they were playing rather nicely together and with their big garbage truck) Excuse me... excuse me, MY DEAR!

Me: (after watching Ollie finish every bit of his mustard and tarragon chicken dinner) Well done, Ollie, you ate a good meal there.
O:  (somewhat confused by the mustard in his dinner)  Now I can have my crumble and mustard (he meant crumble and custard)

Will: (reading to the boys) "And then he climbed all the way to the top of the tallest of trees!"
O:  I'd like to do that
Will:  Really?  You'd climb to the top of the tallest of trees?
O:  (pause) I'd climb to a smaller one.

Me:  OK Ollie, it's time to go inside soon, just another 10 minutes of playing in the garden and we'll go inside for a nap
O:  I want to play for FIVE minutes!

Me:  Ollie, do you need to use the toilet?
O:  No
Me:  Then please stop fiddling with your underpants
O:  But I'm just trying to sort out my wing-wang, it's going mental!

Me:  (while Ollie was playing with his Lego at the dinner table rather than eating his dinner) Some of us at the table are eating our dinner, Ollie.
O:  Not me!

Me:  Night night Max.  Can you say 'night night'?
M: Na na
Me:  I love you, buddy.  Can you say 'I love you'?
M:  Na na
Me:  But can you say 'I love you'?
M: COOKIE!