overheard

Me: His eyes are?
Max: Orange!
Me: His tongue is?
Max: Black!
Me: He has purple prickles all over his?
Max: Back!
Me: Where are you meeting him?  Here by this lake, and his favourite food is?
Max: ... Ice cream!

Ollie: There's a spider outside and he's trying to get into our house!  Let's kill it!
Me:  No!  Why would we do that?  He's just minding his own business, building his web.
Ollie:  Actually mum, we call it a webSITE.

Me: Ollie, it looks as though you need to do a wee.  Do you?
Ollie: No
Me: You are squirming a lot. Are you sure you don't need to go?
Ollie:  I don't need to go to the toilet
Me:  Ollie, are your underpants wet or dry?
Ollie: (pauses...) Mum.  I am going to the toilet and I am NOT going to answer that question.

Ollie:  I don't know where I've put it, mum.

Me:  Me neither.

Ollie:  It must be with all my other curiosities.

Ollie: (to Max, who was this close to being put in the naughty corner) Max, do you want to go to jail?  Or something similar?

Me:  Do you know Ollie's full name is Oliver James?

Max: (who's favourite engine is James) No

Me:  And your full name is Max Henry

Max: NO!

Me:  Well, what's your name?

Max: James

Me:  It's Max Henry

Max: No! James!

(a small tantrum ensued)

Ollie:  You know mum, your mouth is going to have to get REALLY BIG for the baby to come out of it.

(Isn't it just.)