Me: His eyes are?
Me: His tongue is?
Me: He has purple prickles all over his?
Me: Where are you meeting him? Here by this lake, and his favourite food is?
Max: ... Ice cream!
Ollie: There's a spider outside and he's trying to get into our house! Let's kill it!
Me: No! Why would we do that? He's just minding his own business, building his web.
Ollie: Actually mum, we call it a webSITE.
Me: Ollie, it looks as though you need to do a wee. Do you?
Me: You are squirming a lot. Are you sure you don't need to go?
Ollie: I don't need to go to the toilet
Me: Ollie, are your underpants wet or dry?
Ollie: (pauses...) Mum. I am going to the toilet and I am NOT going to answer that question.
Ollie: I don't know where I've put it, mum.
Me: Me neither.
Ollie: It must be with all my other curiosities.
Ollie: (to Max, who was this close to being put in the naughty corner) Max, do you want to go to jail? Or something similar?
Me: Do you know Ollie's full name is Oliver James?
Max: (who's favourite engine is James) No
Me: And your full name is Max Henry
Me: Well, what's your name?
Me: It's Max Henry
Max: No! James!
(a small tantrum ensued)
(Isn't it just.)