October 26, 2011
Sometimes, things happen that force you into making change. For someone that is so averse to change, someone that actually enjoys a routine, predictable life with well planned deviations, those events that force you out of what you know best can be difficult to deal with. Then again, doing new things, especially unplanned new things has more often than not been nothing but positive. Take Sunday for example. A day as predictable as any other ended in the sweetest way when we dropped by our neighbours' place for the Backyard Sound Exchange, a gorgeous little afternoon of talented friends singing, playing instruments, chatting, drinking pear cider and sitting amongst the chickens and toddlers. It was one of those evenings that made me realise you don't need much to be happy, to feel content, just seeing your children running around with other children, chasing chooks, hiding in the hen house, eating carrots and revelling in the party lights that lit up the garden moments before we left to come home to dinner and the grown ups were just getting started.
Then there are those events that might force you to make a change which could be for the best but feel so painful in the process. Losing a job, dealing with illness, battling with the internal conflict that tears you between being what you want to be and what you have to be to keep your family afloat... they all bring out decisions that would otherwise stay away, decisions that are more often than not for the best, but ultimately, they are decisions that you don't want to make.
A couple of days ago, Sue, the lady that I have trusted with my sons for the last 2.5 years told me that she would be finishing up her childcare responsibilities by Christmas. That's 8 weeks away. To say that I am gutted is an understatement. It's not just because we are going to have to give up personalised care for our little boys that's on our doorstep that they love, it's not just because it's so convenient for our daily commutes but it's that I feel so personally let down by someone I have considered to be part of our family since our boys started spending time with her over two years ago. Everyone is entitled to make their own decisions in life, but that we only have a couple of months to work out what we are going to do...
Still. Despite the lack of childcare spaces in Brisbane, and my fear of not getting into a centre that I'm 100% comfortable with, this is going to force us to make a change. I wish we could afford for one of us to be at home with the boys, but being in the family day care environment has been good for Ollie. More recently, we have recognised that Ollie will probably benefit from even more structure to his day, more friends to make, more variety. He's never been a very adaptable child, so that's my main concern with making the change. Unlike his brother who goes with the flow. But Max is still just a little baby boy, only 18 months old, and it's been so nice for him to be at day care with his brother. All that will now change, as we'll probably end up in a big childcare centre, one with different rooms for different ages and... it makes me sad that the little boys I love so much will be apart when they have spent every day together... every day since Max was one day old.
Change. I guess we have to embrace it. There's no other way.