September 30, 2010

no sleep for ollie

Today was a long day.  It started early, with Max waking just before 6am (now for the third morning in a row).  I was impatient, tired and short tempered.  The morning went along well enough but Ollie's refusal of an afternoon nap and my general lethargy slowly turned the day into chaos and this afternoon I shouted at Ollie when I should have talked to him gently. I feel so bad about it.  I went into the little guy's room after he fell asleep tonight to apologise.  

Sometimes, and more recently most of the time, I treat Ollie as though he's older than his almost two years. I don't really have a frame of reference but I think he's a smart little boy so it's frustrating that he doesn't respond to basic questions and is really difficult to reason with.  Just writing that makes me realise how ridiculous that sounds - reasoning with a toddler?  What am I thinking?  I forget he's just a little boy.  A baby.  He understands most of what we say to him but that doesn't mean he understands why he shouldn't jump on the bed next to Max, or why it's not funny to kick when he's on the change table, why he needs to have his nappy changed (although I think he's beginning to understand that the alternative is that he uses a toilet) or why his mama needs to spend time housekeeping, cooking, washing...

On balance, Ollie's day was a good one.  He's a strong willed soul and wants to be able to do everything his way and I can't blame him for that.  (And I see myself in his stubbornness.)  He's not so different from any other toddler, except that I'm his mum.  It's me that lacks patience, it's me that worries about getting too much done and it's me that forgets to have fun during the day.  And so, tomorrow we'll start again and hopefully do things better.  And have an afternoon nap. 

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