April 24, 2012
This evening, when I was reading to the boys before bed time, Ollie said to me, 'Mum, I feel sad. And complicated.' It was easy to see how this was a funny thing for a three year old to say, but we talked about it for a bit. He was feeling sad, because I had forbidden any tv this evening, and though he couldn't quite tell me why he was feeling complicated, I'm guessing it was because he was so exhausted this evening, he couldn't possibly have been thinking straight.
What struck me though, was that lately, I've been feeling a bit sad and complicated. I think it's probably post birthday blues, or the pressure of my work life, or feeling tired and achey regardless of how much sleep I get. I mean, I'm also quite happy and generally as content as I've ever been but I'm a bit sad too. See? It's quite complicated. I don't have much to be sad about, life is ticking along nicely, we have plenty to anticipate and the kids seem... manageable. Enjoyable, even. But there's something and I think it's that feeling of belonging (or lack thereof) that's creeping back into my life, making me question where we want to be as a family.
So anyway, I have made this post all about me, but really, it's all about my children. They are far better at articulating themselves than I often give them credit for. It's easy to brush off some of the things that kid says, but much as he couldn't quite tell me what he meant, I'm pretty sure that sad and complicated is just how he was feeling at that moment in time and credit to him for knowing just how to tell me about it. I hope he realises that happy or sad, I will always want to know how he's feeling. Even when he's all grown up and life really is complicated.